Aug 1, 2006

Over the Pond -- some overall highlights, and one anti-highlight

A quick word on the theft -- our insurance is working with us to replace the laptop (although, after our deductible, everything else will probably be a loss). Better than nothing!

Despite ending on such a sour note, I really enjoyed the trip. I loved so much about it: sleeping all night; drinking coffee, tea, and soda without worrying about caffinating Miranda; fish and chips, sausage and mash; seeing old friends and making new ones; catching up on some movies and good books. I actually read 10 books during the trip: Tiger Lillie, The Handmaid's Tale, Cell, Tales of a Seasick Doctor, Speaker for the Dead, My Sister's Keeper, The Memory Keeper's Daughter, Of Woman Born, The World According to Garp, White Oleander. What a gorge! It was great!!!

Reuniting with Miranda has been pretty smooth. She hasn't been diffident or angry with me, and we've had lots of fun just hanging around since my return. There is, however, one disappointment -- due to a few pumping mishaps, my milk has dropped to almost nothing. She was eager to nurse the first night I was home, but seemed surprised at the difficulty she encountered getting a drink. Surprise has turned to frustration, and to disinterest, which scuttles any chance of getting my milk going again.

I wasn't ready for how sad this has made me. When I left I thought, "Well, hopefully we'll keep nursing when I get back, but if not, then at least we've had a good full year." But, deep down I thought that we wouldn't have any trouble resuming, because we'd had such an easy year as a nursing couple. And I wasn't prepared for how much I want to continue nursing. I feel like we're just midway through our time nursing -- it just doesn't feel like it's time to quit.

My midwife gave me a scrip for Reglan, so we'll see if this gets us back on track. Hopefully it will, because I really miss mothering her that way. I'll keep you posted!


MeesheMama said...

This whole nursing bit is a hard one. Kindred starting biting me HARD at 8 months. I mean, I seriously thought he'd made me bleed often. (He never did.) Yelling (many times involuntarily) didn't help, flicking the cheek didn't help, using teething gel really didn't help. I felt awful about it, considering that I had been aking so much milk that I could give the stuff away, and I hadn't even made it a full year. Oh the guilt and general sadness. I started to let him choose when he wanted to nurse, which was only in the morning for like 2 minutes and at night for 2 minutes. The day I stopped pulling out my breast altogether I'm not sure he even noticed. He wasn't quite 1 year. It didn't take me long to accept it and move on, but it's tough at first. It just reinforces that our children are individuals and can make their own choices, and will, and this is a lesson in that. (Wait till she's a toddler!) So grieve it as long as you need to, but enjoy getting your body back! (I miss having mine.)

melinda said...

I don't know if that prescription is supposed to help milk flow or dry you up, but if you are trying to get some supply back, there is an herbal tea you can drink that helps. I'd be sad if Noah stopped nursing so I feel for ya.

Lazymom said...

Nursing is such a special bond, isnt it? I never really understood before my experiences with the wolverine how strongly i would feel about glad i am i made that choice to nurse him. Whatever happens with Miranda and your nursing you two have had an awesome start to a beautiful relationship.

Rachel said...

I was a little sad reading your blog! I know I would feel sad if Jude stopped nursing now. There are some days when I want him to quit and other days when I want him to continue for another year at least (there are many more of the latter than the former). I agree you should grieve the end of that part of your relationship (if she doesn't start back up with it) and be happy for all you gave her in terms of nutrition and comfort her first year.