Dec 20, 2007

The Paradox of Motherhood

If you ever read the BabyCenter blog "Tending Violet", you might recognize the basic format of this post. But if you've ever read this blog, you know I am not averse to shamelessly stealing good ideas for posts (and giving credit where credit is due). And I remember, when I read this certain post on Tending Violet, how much it spoke to me as a mother. And for some reason, I thought about it today; I guess I was just having one of those days. So, thanks Joyce for first pointing out this paradox, and I hope you don't mind my borrowing it. Here goes...

Sometimes, I am so tired of being a mother. I'm tired of asking Miranda to keep her feet off the table/please don't play with your food/stop mashing the food/please don't spit the food back out, when it goes in your mouth it stays in your mouth... at least twenty times during each meal. I'm tired of so many meals being rushed and chaotic. I'm tired of constantly running out of diapers, wipes, and milk at inopportune times. I'm sick of chasing little socks around the house and losing them in the laundry. I'm sick of having one outfit after another stained and ruined (hers and mine). I'm getting depressed about having no time to shave my legs, put on makeup, exercise, actually have the time to do something nice with my hair. I know, I could get up earlier in the morning and get these things done, but I'm tired, damn it, and I don't feel like getting up. I'm sick of taking care of someone who demands and demands and demands. I'm tired of having to arrange each and every moment we have away from her. I'm tired of trying to balance motherhood and school, and feeling like I'm shortchanging both. I'm exhausted by the burden of always wondering if I'm parenting in the right way. I'm just tired.

But Miranda, baby, I'm not tired of you. I love hearing you squawk in the mornings, throwing out your pacis and chattering away. I love snuggling you as you drink your milk, wondering which book you'll want to read first. I love how excited you get when you see Daddy or me, running towards us and yellling, "Mommy! Daddy!" I love how, whenever Grover comes back from a new adventure on Sesame Street, you get out your World Map placemat so I can show you where he's been. I love being your companion on the journey of life, watching you explore the world and learn new things. I love your sweet feet, and the fact that you have my legs. I love playing hide and seek with you, and how you play in the basement when Daddy's working, and how you run to the garden to pick tomatoes in all stages of ripeness. I love how you love your friends. You are my precious, my sweet scrunchie, my big girl and my baby, and I'll never get tired of you.

3 comments:

Janet said...

Yep, that just about covers it. Well said.

billy said...

Maria, thanks for helping us to maintain perspective about being parents.....you are an amazing mother and I think that I need to say that I never grow tired of seeing how much joy Miranda brings you and how much you want to share your life with her....thanks for being an incredible mother to our daughter!

Ali said...

Totally made me tear up. You're a wonderful mom. I wish I could be as eloquent when I speak of my feelings for my kids. (instead it just usually comes out in grunts.)